It was December 24th, 2000. I was working as a Team Coordinator (Team Lead) at a Call Center at the wise old age of 17 years old. I thought I was a pretty great guy, and a pretty awesome supervisor.
The utter turmoil of the call center I was working in was such that, despite me being a “Team” Coordinator, I had no actual team. I was really more of a general floor supervisor – meant to police individuals who weren’t taking phone calls, and look for people who were on perma-break.
Being sometime later in the evening on Christmas Eve, the phones weren’t exactly ringing off the hook. I found myself pacing back and force between several dozen rows of agents. No one was on the phone.
At one point, I happened to notice out of the corner of my eye a website of “adult” tendancies appear on an agent’s screen. No one was sitting on either side of him, and it was clear that whatever he was doing, no one else would have seen him. I didn’t even know his name.
Going into super-cop mode, I stealthily walked around from one row to the other, quietly and quite literally sneaking up behind him. Unsure whether the visit was accidental or intentional, I was hesistant to act without knowing the circumstances.
I didn’t have to wait long. The call-center agent, a man probably in his early early 20′s, clicked a link, taking him further into the red light district. The site was a veritable plethora of nakedness!
I immediately approached the agent and asked him to come with me. He immediately responded “OH man! I wasn’t doing anything, man!”. I insisted he come with me. Despite this, he continued to politely argue that he hadn’t done anything wrong, and that there was no reason for him to come with me.
Eventually, he decided it was in his best interests to follow me. I had another supervisor accompany me to a conference room where I promptly told the employee that the company had a no-tolerance policy for pornography in the workplace. In fact, the company’s policy was no personal internet-surfing at all in the work place, not even e-mail.
For these reasons, I broke the news to him that I’d have to let him go. I told him I had no choice. He pleaded with me left and right. It was at this point that I found out he was due to be married (confirmed by several of his “friends” later on) in just 2 weeks. I told him it didn’t matter, I still had no choice but to let him go.
We discussed it for several more minutes – “What will my fiance say?” “What am I going to do for work to support a new family?”. There were several questions like this. Being 17, I had no understanding of these things, and therefore had no appropriate response other than “Sorry, you broke the rules.. gotta let you go”.
The other superivisor led him back to his desk to retrieve his things, and led him off the premises. I never saw him again, and honestly don’t even recall what he looked like.
I’m sorry I fired you on Christmas Eve. At the time, I thought I was making the right choice. As I have grown up a little and understood what it means to be a responsible person, man, and father I have come to understand that I maybe didn’t make the right choice.
I’m not sure what the best thing would have been. Maybe I should have simply looked away and not given it another thought. Maybe I should have just come talked to you for 60 or less seconds, and asked you to make better decisions at work. Maybe I should have even suspended you.
But I regret letting you go on Christmas Eve, two weeks before your marriage. I am certain I made your Christmas worse that it should have been, and I likely put you in an awkward position in regards to your fiance.
Don’t get me wrong, my guilt is not centered around your mistakes. I think you suck for looking at those kinds of things 2 weeks before your wedding. That’s simply not how it’s supposed to be. That’s hardly honoring your wife-to-be or remaining faithful. And you definitely weren’t being a responsible person, man, and father. Sorry, but you really weren’t. And that I’m sure of. No responsible person goes and breaks obvious rules at work, especially such risky ones.
But I’m not your judge, and for all I knew you were a first-time-offender who just needed some gentle guidance, at which point who knows, maybe that would have been the first, and only time you ever made a stupid mistake.
So, for that, I’m sorry. I’m sure you’ll never read this blog, but hey, at least I’ve tried to apologize.
Again, just like w/ the “Sorry I gave you an offensive phone number”, I am a little in awe. That… was awesome. Not the canning of the guy — which was unfortunate, but you can’t go back and undo it…
Humble and searching self-reflection, and regret. I guess this just strikes a chord in me.
It was hard on the guy, but he was guilty and SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER. It’s really sad to multiple levels… it’s sad you HAD to do it, it’s sad that is happened to him, and it’s sad that he used such poor judgement and unprofessionalism.
You COULD have ignored it, looked the other way, etc. — but that might have meant putting yourself at risk.
Company policies are there for a reason — to protect the company and to protect the employees. It would have been “nice” if there was a “ok, we gotta talk, and just so you know, this is gonna have to go in your file until…”, but if there wasn’t, then that’s just the way it was.
I would hope that companies nowadays would have clear policies, but also good situation review and maybe a LITTLE leeway — depending upon what other factors might be involved.
1st offense? Was it a stupid mistake? Did he “accidently” get there? Review his record, evaluate any other factors, smack the heck out of him, sit him in the corner, put him on probation, watch him carefully for a while, and hopefully, consider it a bad decision — let’s move on, shall we? Maybe some (ugh) sensitivity training, maybe just calling him a jackass and glaring at him for 20 minutes.
Lesser ills? Spends his time on gaming sites (or whatever)? Remind him what he gets paid for, and hint, strongly, that they can find high-school students to goof off for less money.
Something a lot worse on his browser? Well, sometimes the police have to be called in.
Hopefully, he’s gotten over it and gone on to better things. I think he has, by now.
And, Shabooda? Yes, all sorts of nice people may get involved with porn, for a wide variety of reasons. I’m not qualified to judge their behaviour. But doing it at WORK? Seriously? What are you gonna do THEN? Long bathroom break? Eww. Lunch break? Chat up some of the other reps? Show the sites around? There are lots of things that belong in private or between people privately… this was one of them.
And, sad to say, I hear that this is not an uncommon thing in the workplace. At what point does porn go from being “spice” to being an addiction, a substitute for a relationship, a substitute for sleep pills(?), or an act of resentment, or worse, hatered. (I know I spelled that wrong.) Seriously, I want to know.
As old as it makes me sound… “when *I* was a kid…” OK, my dad had Playboy. Woohoo. Wimmens! 40′s, 50′s, 60′s — glamorous? HELL YEAH. Well, at some point — or at least air-brushed. I was a kid in the 60′s. 70′s? It’s… “liberating”? No, just common place. 80′s? It’s pretty tacky. It was no longer about mystique, it was about “how much can we get away with”? Because, after all, they HAD to keep up with the Jones (or Guiccionis and … what was that idiot’s name who did Hustler?) OK, it’s no longer about “spice”, it’s now just degrading women. Oh, and women think that they have to compete with… what? THAT? How much can one expect a person to lower themself? That much?
And, if that is what one would peek, peer, and stare at, how much respect would you have for someone that would DO that? And how much of that transfers over to one’s attitudes about “real women” in the world?
Wierd synergy these days… people look at what is, by many definitions, disgusting and yet try to have real relationships… and, women for whatever reason, get inured to men who will search out and look upon “online” women who are willing to so degrade themselves, and maybe they think that this is what men have come to expect. Afterall, it’s not “degrading”, it’s “liberating”… “Don’t tell ME what I shouldn’t do with my body!” Honey, I’m not telling you what you should or shouldn’t do — I would hope that you would act grown-up about things, I’m just telling you that the kind of behaviour you’re accepting is disgusting and it is degrading you. You’re telling yourself that it’s OK to be degraded. You’re setting yourself up for degrading relationships. You’re telling those around you that it’s OK to be a slut — you can even be publicly PROUD of it. No, some things aren’t meant for public — AND some behaviours really are disgusting.
Dang. I think I’ve gone off on a tangent.
Anyway, Super, I am strangely gratified that people can look back and admit regrets. In these little things you’ve written about, I find support for my own self-reflection.
THAT’s the kind of stuff that should be public (er, well, I don’t really know if THAT is the best description), and sober reflection is a good example for people to see.
Shucks… just forget everything I’ve said…
No, wait, one more thing… WE have become inured to bad behaviour. We are willing to settle for less than sterling character in those around us, and we may use that to justify our own degrading behaviour.
We accept politicians, celebrities, public figures, “leaders”, etc. who have so little respect for us, that they don’t care how they act in public. Many are proud to shove their bad behaviour in “our” faces, as proof that they’re above us, or at least, above … what, moral behaviour? Sounds pompous, but that may be what it comes down to. Slutty behaviour, degrading behaviour, proud disregard for decency and public opinion — and this is what we are expected to “accept”. We are supposed to “tolerate” poor actions, or WE are bad.
Dang, I never thought I’d turn into my grandfather… and at such a young age.
OK, I quite for the night. Carry on.
I think you shouldn’t feel sorry for the situation so much, and take it as a personal lesson for yourself. What you did was wrong. Not for doing it, but for not being honest about it.
Here, when you posted this apology and follow-on assertation that your logic was correct I do not know whether you held these beliefs THEN, so I cannot be blatantly sure as how bad your actions were, but here goes…
Everything you explained HERE, needed to be told to him. PERIOD.
I will attempt to summarize your words and conversationalize them… here’s what I think you should have said:
“So you’re getting married in two weeks and thought it would be a good idea to break work rules? You took a huge unnecessary risk in going to a pornography site at work, knowing that if caught you’d be fired and knowing that you’re supposed to be the provider for your new family. Furthermore, 1- What would your fiance think of you taking a risk at work, and 2- What would your fiance think of you going to a porn site at work as your wedding approaches? I don’t think EITHER situation shows enough respect and responsibility for a man who’s planning on getting married.”
Then comes the thing a 17 year old would have never thought of…
“Put yourself in my position. I caught you doing this. What should I do?”
Based on his repsonse, you fire him 75% of the time. But there is 25% that would answer in such an appropriate way that you knew they’d GET IT. (completely made up estimated percentages)
And if he gets it you’ve done something spectacular instead of JUST firing a guy.
Firing him was probably a good lesson in STOP MESSING UP. But you could have done so much more for him.
You can’t really be blamed for following the rules, but kudos to you for reaching a point where you can look back and see the validity of different choices.
Also, take it easy on the porn, will ya? Just because it’s not your bag doesn’t mean plenty of loving, faithful people (and even couples) enjoy it